Thursday, December 21, 2006

O Father, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me!

There was a certain video game that I got hours upon hours of giggles and explosions from playing. It was based on Dungeons and Dragons and therefore appealed to the lingering nostalgia that seems to define a post-80s existence. This particular game was so well received that the fans themselves would dedicate thousands of hours of their own time to make expansions and extra content purely for the joys of playing.

And then the angels trumpeted forth wondrous news. There was to be a Sequel.

I've been looking forward to this sequel the way that a full amputee looks forward the invention of affordable cybernetic limbs. The second game looks to have all of the wonders of first, along with shiny new graphics and a more immersive gaming world. It's basically like nerd crack and geek heroin had a baby.

And then, lo and behold, the game is put on sale for $20. That's right, brand new game, for only twenty McDonald's burgers. I actually squealed with glee as I put in my online order.

Time passed and the game arrived, protecting my hopes and dreams in it's cardboard cocoon addressed to yours truly. I burnt the sacred incenses, slaughtered the yearling calf as a sacrifice, chanted the seven holiest names while fasting, and loaded the install disc. After a half of an hour of installation and updates the game was ready for me, and I was all too ready for it.

And when I tried to play it I found out that my computer (which was a cutting-edge beast back when I bought it in 2000) simply lacks the hardware to even get as far as the play screen. This is the exact description of poor geek hell.

It's as though God Herself has cursed me for being a nerd. So fuck you God, I was saving up for a new computer anyway! In the meantime I'll always have other distractions to keep me amused.


Anonymous Scott said...

This is quite possibly one of the funniest blog posts I have ever read. Even the hubby read it and laughed his ass off. Geeks Unite!

9:35 AM, January 10, 2007  
Blogger Hot Toddy said...

I thought this post might explain where you disappeared to, but it turns out you're not playing a new game after all.

I miss you!

12:43 PM, January 10, 2007  

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