Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Conversations that explain why I'm still Single

Before preparing my sandwich, he pulls on some rubber gloves with a satisfying snap (safety first).

"Wanna play doctor?" he says in his come-hither voice.

"Hot! I'll get the bone saw" are the words that burst unbidden from my sly mouth.

"What?" He responds with a look of shocked confusion.

Once again, the only word that I can wedge into the ensuing silence is "...awkward".

-:~:-

"I can't stop thinking about you, I need to see you again. Can it be tonight?"

The sex was loud, passionate and sweaty after a long night of enjoyable conversations about video games and classic literature with a smattering of horror movies tossed in for good measure. He's handsome and athletic and knows the difference between "they're" and "their".

Of course the only logical response to his cries for more is "Tonight's no good, I've already got a date with your brother."

-:~:-

"Your time at the gym is really starting to pay off" he says as his eyes draw patterns of lust over my figure.

"Ugh, I'm already bored with that compliment" I say, rolling my eyes like a disaffected teenager. It's not that I don't appreciate the attention, I'm just not sure that my shapely chest should be the topic of conversation every day.

-:~:-

The Couple (Beautiful Eyes and Hot Lips) are handsome, fun to talk to, and a little dirty from what I've seen so far. Eyes, however, is madly in love with Lips, so he's reluctant to turn this evening of flirtations and 'accidental' brushes into anything that'll need a moist towelette afterwards. It would just be cruel to tell him that Lips has been plowing me like an Amish potato farmer for the past three weeks, so I pretend to be surprised when everyone's pants come off later.

One of these is a wild fabrication, see if you can guess which one it is.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Pony said...

E: None of the above. (I'm sure one mustn't be real, but I can't figure it out.)

11:31 PM, March 24, 2007  
Blogger zortnac said...

Boooooooone saaaaawwwww!!!!

I love your picture by the way. The Flash is so hot.

11:54 PM, April 10, 2007  
Blogger Hot Toddy said...

Can I borrow your labels for this post? I could easily name my blog "Awkward, Sex, Single..."

You are a good friend to me.

10:05 PM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Jess said...

Hmmm. They all seem so real! Let's see. I'll guess that "Tonight's no good, I've already got a date with your brother" is the fake one.

4:14 PM, May 08, 2007  
Blogger Zeroes said...

And the winner is:

Jess of East Meadow New York!

The only time I ever dated brothers it was spaced too far apart to be able to pull that little fantasy of mine. Someday though, someday...

10:37 AM, May 11, 2007  

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