Down-Size Me

Sometimes in life all I really want to do is launch into a bitter tirade against the infinite capacity for poor behavior that tends to pop up in my fellow humans from time to time. To verbally shake my tiny fist at the uncaring heavens and tell the whole of Creation to go bugger itself for making such a flawed machine. In all fairness though, I am just as much a part of this flawed existence as the next guy, and beating myself up hasn't shown much success historically.

But I get ahead of myself.

On Friday, April 28th, I was handed my final paycheck at CC Slaughters with the impressively non-specific message of my bosses wanting to "ramp up the daytime". I accepted my paycheck, handed in my keys, said goodbye to the assorted friends and coworkers that were in attendance that evening (without ruining their night by letting them know of my recent firing) and went home to enjoy a quiet evening of reflection. I've often been of the opinion that business is business, and getting emotionally worked up about it does not change the realities of the situation. Much as getting fired for the third time in my life does not change who I am as a person, how I behave during and after such an event directly reflects on the caliber of my person. So I remained calm and upbeat. After all, now I wasn't going to feel obligated to show up at 10 the next morning to help them haul trash out of the basement. Because really, who wants to get up before noon on a sunny day and get covered in garbage?

Four days later I discovered that I was fired to be replaced by someone whom my employers felt was more youthfull and attractive. I will withhold my personal feelings on this person's overall virtue as gossip is the true heart of darkness.

To say that my opinion of the situation took a turn for the less-than-sunny would be a mild understatement. I currently feel as though I hold within my chest a white-hot fragment of pure malevolence. It is as though I am being powered solely by the great gravitational stresses put forth by a quantum singularity forged purely of my disdain for all of the people involved in this incident. Everything I do lately is discolored by the poison of malice that circulates through my system where once there flowed only innocuous, innocent blood. The plus side to this being that my time in the gym is proving to be very productive.

I'm under no illusions that every person at some point in their life will be mistreated by others solely on what can only be described as superficial standards. None of us are strangers to the callous ugliness that all humans are capable of. In fact, I have to consider it something of a good sign that I can still feel the sting as sharply and truly as though it were my first time. It means I haven't let myself become embittered, and for that I am both proud and thankful.

I console myself in the fact that I am not the only person I know who feels this situation was poorly handled, and that my replacement will have some large shoes to fill. Though the small-minded and utterly human part of me may hate every fiber of his being at the moment, I ultimately hope he does well in life. My former bosses I'm not so sure about, but I get the feeling that these roiling waves of antipathy will pass; to eventually be replaced by a simple sense of calm pity. Pity and pointed dislike, but mostly pity.

I'm not entirely sure how to end this particular entry, because it is not yet ended in my mind. Simply know that I will be just fine, my finances are quite in order and my friends are many and wonderful.

-Zeroes-