Friday, July 21, 2006

Queer Bear Cheer!

I love living in Portland, where the random freebie newspaper (the Mercury) gives us little gems like this:

(article text for those of you who don't feel like squinting or clicking the link)

Okay, LOOK. First of all, I've got nothing against you gays. You're ANNOYING, and you ACT FUNNY-but... an orgasm's an orgasm, right? Me. I don't worry about going gay, because I get laid A LOT-but if I were in prison or something, who knows? Anyway, I digress. Here's my beef with you gays: See this rainbow on my chest? THAT'S MY FUCKIN' RAINBOW. Before you gays came along and started using MY FUCKIN' RAINBOW to advertise yourselves, the only competition I had was the leprechauns. Now I can't walk down the street without somebody yelling, "YO, QUEER BEAR!" That's not my name, people! It's "CHEER BEAR", and it's because I'm so goddamn HAPPY. That's what rainbows are supposed to signify-HAPPY. Not getting banged in the ass by some guy wearing leather chaps. (However, I'll allow that getting ass banged can make certain people happy... if not ecstatic.) Anyway, my point is this: I HAD THIS RAINBOW FIRST. Do you think McDonald's would put up with this shit? Like if you gays suddenly started waving flags sporting a Quarter Pounder? They would never stop suing you. Me? I'm not the litigious type. Therefore I'll give you gays ONE CHANCE. Cease and desist using MY rainbow symbol, and I'll walk out of here a nice guy, and you'll still own your shirt. If not, the only date you'll be having is with my lawyer, "Legal Bear". You'll recognize him by the ambulance on his chest. THAT'S MY RAINBOW GAYS! They may call me "Cheer Bear", but I'll give your ass something to worry about!

We have been warned, and rainbows are tacky anyway guys.

Friday, July 14, 2006

State of Disunion

Right now I feel hurt, rejected and angry. Taking the higher road might be the best course of action in the long run, but at this moment in time I wish I'd been a lesser man in the face of someone who's got a lot of misery ahead of him.

Most of all I wish I was tired enough to sleep it all off. Damn you insomnia for being such a loyal friend.


Sunday, July 09, 2006

Fingers Crossed ..::update::..

I start training to bartend at Boxxes/Red Cap Garage on the 18th and will be the new daytime bartender at Boxxes Monday-Thursday and nighttime bartender Fridays at Red Cap Garage starting at the end of the month! It's an awesome crew of folks, many of whom have been my friends outside of the bars for a while now so I'm greatly looking forward to working with them. The fact that they're all as nuts as me really helps.

The guy upon whom I've had my eye (and hands, repeatedly) continues to be a wonderful person. Now I just need a fast motorcycle and I'll want for nothing in life.